?

Log in

 
 
18 June 2013 @ 04:36 pm
Do This For Me~  
So, it looks like that whole England thing is happening after all. Which means that there's so much to do and little time to do it. August may seem a little far away to you guys, but it's not. Not at all. We've got to be out of this house and in temporary housing here by the 24th of July to my understanding. Which is fine, I guess. Just... getting everything ready. That's going to be the big deal.

I'm quitting my job the 28th of this month. I can't say I'll miss it terribly.

And now, to distract me from stress, I want you guys to do something for me. It's a meme of sorts, I suppose. See below:

Comment here and tell me about love (mostly because I am a mushy person). Your current love, a past love. An unrequited love. The love of your life. The love you wish would have lasted, but didn't. Tell me about your soul mate. Tell me about the person you're in love with, but terrified to admit it to. Tell me about the relationship you have with the person you've loved for years. Tell me about the person who loved you, but you couldn't love them back. Anything along these lines. You can even ask the same of me, if you like, in a comment (but you can't expect me to share without sharing back~~~). Anonymous commenting is on, so use that if you so desire. Just share with me your stories of love, friends. :)
 
 
 
Anako: Riku//you carry a dark heartiki_teru on June 19th, 2013 08:28 am (UTC)
the person who loved me
once upon a time there was a boy, who I thought I could learn to care about in the way he wanted me to. We dated for 11 months and never once did I feel more than a fondness for him. I was 14 at the time. But we had been friends and friends is dearly what I wanted to remain. He got a ticket the day after we broke up and showed up at my high school (he had graduated, he's four years older than me) and blamed me.
We drifted, but probably not far enough because we still stayed in contact via AIM and email and other things. Eventually, my senior year when I get left for a stripper, he showed up acting like he just wanted to make sure I was okay and offered to be the shoulder I could cry on.
I appreciated him, but I still couldn't care about him the way he (still) cared about me. It's not that he was a bad guy or did anything bad. He swore that this was fine, that he'd rather be my friend than nothing at all.
But.
About every six months he'd declare his love for me, like he was trying to see if I had changed my mind yet. He bought me presents, expensive ones like a hello kitty pendant they sold at Zales. I tried not to accept it but everyone, including my mother, gave me guff and said that it's rude not to accept a gift.
So I did.
Eventually, I had a breakdown when I remembered all the things I went through with Autin. Eventually it got to the point where i had to talk to it, I had to try to make people understand that the reason I can't go out, the reason I can't handle being around men in general, the reason I can't even let my brother hug me is because of the things Autin had done to me.
this boy was one of the people I told. Because I thought he was my friend.
A few months after that, he thought it was a good idea to coerce me into a hug and hold me there, against my will, until I agreed to kiss him. Needless to say, I did not and there was a firm fissure between us after that.
Some more things happened between then and now that make this more of a novel than a short blurb, but when I realized I had feelings for Duncan, this boy decided that it wasn't Fair. That He Deserved Me, after all he had feelings for me first, he waited patiently for me to get my shit together, and I led him on.
We're no longer friends.
Kagomekagome_angel on July 1st, 2013 06:39 pm (UTC)
Re: the person who loved me
I remember you mentioning this story on your own journal but you didn't really go into detail about this particular person. He actually makes me think of someone from my past, and that's kind of scary but also (and please please please don't think I mean this badly) kind of comforting to know that it's not just me that's had a similar problem. You know? I don't think it was fair of him at all to do you the way he did. You trusted him, and he definitely did wrong by you. You don't practically hold someone hostage and demand a kiss from them--not if you truly care for them.

You fall in love with whom you fall in love with. It isn't by choice, and if this guy truly loved you, he probably would have been hurt but in time, he would learn to realize that your happiness is more important than his own. That's how love works. You wind up realizing that as long as that person you care for is happy, so are you. Maybe not in exactly the way you'd like to be, but you're happy for that person, and that should be good enough. I'm sorry he put you through so much. :(
Anako: misc// it was all worth it for youiki_teru on July 4th, 2013 07:27 am (UTC)
Re: the person who loved me
no, i absolutely get what you mean, because when I was 15 and cutting I hated myself and I hated the world and I felt like a complete and utter failure at life, but then one of the girls I went to school with and knew like, peripherally? We sat next to each other in world history and she passed me a note and it said "I saw your scars" and I sent her one back "please don't tell" and the reply I got was "I wouldn't, I do it too." and when I looked back at her, she had raised her shirt and showed me the things carved into her side.

And it was kind of awful, but it was this relief because there was this connection. More recently, I was looking up stuff about scratching and picking at my own skin and I found out that THIS IS A REAL THING, I'M NOT ALONE THIS IS A SORT OF DIAGNOSED ISSUE BUT THE POINT IS HUNDRED OF OTHER PEOPLE GO THROUGH THIS, AND JESUS WEPT JUST KNOWING THAT YOU'RE NOT ALONE IN SOMETHING AWFUL ALMOST VALIDATES YOU AND YOU CAN STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP AND RUNNING IN CIRCLES AND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU DID WRONG/WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU. BECAUSE IT'S NOT -JUST- YOU.

and that got a little capslocky, but I felt like that was important and here *hughughughughug*

Let us both toast each other, whenever we can, to the ability to NOT let these people get us down, to being able to find the strength and the will and the desire to love and be loved to move past it.
Anako: LeonxYuffie// Now you're outside meiki_teru on June 19th, 2013 08:40 am (UTC)
Here's a happy story about love.

Duncan was a dear friend before we got together. He's smart without being rude about it, enjoys a numerous amount of fiction, let me force him into reading twilight when I was 17 because OMG IT WAS SO GOOD /snerk (I really did think it was the best thing since sliced bread once upon a time) and then he proceeded to finish the series because he had started it and he HAD to see it through. He would gladly spot dinner/movie for anyone in the group when we all went out because he lived with his parents/had no bills so had a crap ton of excess money lying around. Money is practically meaningless to him and even now, if he has the funds to help, he will. The few times I dragged everyone to movies with me and Buddy, he'd buy shit for Buddy and when I would fuss he'd be like "BUT HE WANTED IT AND I HAD MONEY!"
We could talk about words. And that's like. A. Big. Thing. for me.
He never once invaded my space, never once made me feel uncomfortable. any physical contact was always initialized by me and lasted until I pulled away and he never took advantage.
(he did, however, often complain that my shirts were too low cut - to which I'd say, kiss my ass it's summer in louisiana and I ain't wearing more than I have to, also you're just jealous that your boobs aren't this nice. he usually agreed to that- and my boobs too big and obviously that string of bad earthquakes in the middle east were actually MY fault. and he and another friend would play basketball with their straw wrappers and my cleavage during dinner.)
When we all went and saw Tangled I was so super psyched for it. I had my friend, Gracie on one side and Duncan on the other and I kept squealing and flailing so hard throughout the movie that eventually I had to grab both of their hands and for the ENTIRE MOVIE, I just sat there squeezing them and jerking about and when it got to the sad part, I gnawed on his finger without thinking.
He never complained.
We live together still, a year and six months since we moved in together and there have been very few fights (most of them are just little things that get blown out of proportion by one or the both of us and usually end in my crying a ridiculous amount and him coming over to literally pat me awkwardly on the head and go "shush! stop crying! I don't like it when you cry!" and then there are many snuggles)
We are almost never apart. Like. For work. which we work the same shift so like. 8 hours a day. But we work for the same company so we drive together and we see each other on breaks and then we come home together and right now he's got me playing EverQuest, which is more fun than i thought it would be, and we play Minecraft together and I lament the fact that this is the only way I will ever get to build a house with him and when I have writing projects I'm procrastinating on he fusses at me and chides me and makes me go write like a good girl and if I don't write for a while he gets all sad and nervous and follows me around asking if I'm okay.
We snuggle in bed and lay there, talking sometimes for upwards of an hour and a half before we finally fall asleep. and neither one of us can sleep without the other in the bed.
I'm giving him until next may to make the first move. If he doesn't propose by then, I'm hiring a flash mob and confetti cannons and I'm buying him an engagement ring.
Kagomekagome_angel on July 1st, 2013 06:45 pm (UTC)
This is so incredibly sweet. It's so nice to know that you are in a relationship like this and I know it's not perfect, but it works perfectly for you guys, right? It's so great that you were friends first--you are such a sweet and kind person, and you deserve friends that are good to you and I 100% believe that you deserve Duncan because he is obviously perfect for you. The relationship you two have makes me think of me and my husband, and that's a pretty amazing thing. :)

But this isn't meant to be about me so I won't continue to blah blah blah about myself. XD I wish you the absolute best, honey. If he doesn't pop the question, I totally support your decision to do so! <3333
distorted_rdistorted_r on June 28th, 2013 11:26 am (UTC)
lol so three years ago I was in the hot tub with my stupid drunk ass mother and a the security guy said he had a friend that might be interested in me. My mother gave the guy my number (we knew the guy fairly well). I met the guy's friend a few weeks later at a bakery/ lunch place for dinner. He really liked my boobs and nerdiness. I that he was good looking enough and I had just a few months prior gotten diagnosed with a bunch of mental disorders and so I was up for anything because the meds were making me go "fuck it who cares." I told him to get himself tested for all STDS and bring me proof of negatives. On my third date he did and we fucked in the back seat of his car on some dirt road then we went to his house and played rock band.

We are still together, but live seperately and shit. Maybe we will someday try living together when I get at least my BA. I don't know. lol I guess that is as romantic as I get heh

Edited at 2013-06-28 11:27 am (UTC)
Kagomekagome_angel on July 1st, 2013 06:46 pm (UTC)
Hahaha oh man, no... this is not the most romantic story I've heard, I'll admit that! :D But it's kind of sweet in its own way, and it works for you guys, right? I mean, you're happy, and that's all that matters!