This is an entry that I am neither placing under a cut nor friends-locking. If I step on someone's toes, frankly, I don't give a fuck. This is my journal, and I'm going to fucking speak my mind. I will sometimes refrain from doing that in order to "keep the peace" and in order to keep from causing conflict, because I hate conflict. But you know what? I've gotten so pissed off thinking about all of this. Even after I spilled my guts and my heart out the other day, it still apparently wasn't enough. Especially after this nice little thing I keep seeing on tumblr that people are reblogging like it's just the most wonderful and coolest thing to say ever.
I do not tolerate ignorance. I am the type of person that believes in equal rights--I think that homosexual couples should be able to get married. I do not judge a person based on race, ethnicity, or sexuality. I do not think the rest of the world should either, but there are and always will be idiots out there who do just that. Yes, I am very thrilled that some states are making gay marriage legal, and I think it should be made legal in all the states. Hell, I think it should be made legal everywhere and I think it should be recognized by each country's governing body as a sacred and loving union, just as they recognize marriage between a man and woman. I am completely for gay marriage.
I have come to realize something, though. There are obviously some people in the gay and lesbian community who are just as intolerant and ridiculous as homophobic assholes. I realized this the other day when I was browsing through tumblr and saw something to the effect of: "Maybe we should make straight marriage illegal. It doesn't seem to have a very high success rate." And people were fucking applauding this, like it's a genius idea. While I do not agree with oppressing homosexual marriage, I sure as hell don't believe that straight marriage should be made illegal. How stupid is that? Are there people that really fucking believe this?
A few things come to mind when I think about that:
1) This clip from The L Word. Right at the very beginning, when they're talking about judging people:
2) I can think of several straight marriages that have and are succeeding. While my own mother and father do not make that list (they aren't divorced but might as well be... I'm not getting into that right now, though), there are a lot of others who do. How is that for success rate?
3) Some of the main reasons why straight couples get a divorce? Infidelity. Money issues. Lack of communication. Do you honestly think that homosexual couples don't face these same fucking issues? Hell, with my first girlfriend, I dealt with two out of three of those reasons I just listed. Same. Fucking. Issues.
Sometimes people claim to fall out of love. Sometimes people just get together for the wrong reasons. This happens with homosexual couples just like it happens with straight couples. And before you go asking me how I know this kind of shit, I'll let you know that I have very few straight friends. So don't say that I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
I am of the firm belief that when two people love one another and are genuinely willing to make a commitment to one another, and they work well together, then they should be able to get married. Fuck sexuality. Fuck race.
I don't see how a person can be all, "Yay, straight marriage!" and "Boo, gay marriage!" But I surely don't see how a person can be all, "Yay, gay marriage!" and "Boo, straight marriage!" either. What kind of fucking sense does that make?! How can you fucking expect equality and respect when all you're doing is being as fucking judgmental and bigoted and ignorant as those homophobic jerks you're fighting against? Heterophobia does not trump homophobia. They're both disgusting.
If two people (regardless of race or gender or whatever else you want to throw in there) can get married and be happy, it's a beautiful fucking thing, and nobody has any goddamned right to take that away from anyone!!!!!!!!!!!
Another thing that has been bothering me lately is this: Because I'm married to a man, apparently I am now considered a "straight" woman. While there is nothing wrong with heterosexuality, I am not, will never, and never have identified myself as heterosexual. I am a bisexual woman with a preference for women, and being married to a man does not change that. Do you think that it negates all my past relationships with women (more than I've had with men, I can tell you that)? Hell no. Do you think it makes me any less attracted to women? Hell no, it doesn't. My husband knew this before he married me, and he was and is fine with the person that I am.
Also, my relationships with women were not fucking "experiments". I'm not a goddamned scientist, and I'm not fucking "bi-curious". I deeply cared for every woman I have ever been with, no matter how short or how long the relationship.
I'm sick of comments like, "Oh, you're married to a guy, so you don't have anything to worry about. Nobody will think you're 'weird'." What the actual fucking fuck? This doesn't change who I am. It doesn't change the fact that I have to hide part of who I am from some other people.
I'm also sick of apparently being labeled as a bad person because of my sexuality. Apparently, according to some lesbians, a bisexual girl can fuck them over worse than another lesbian. Well, guess what? I've been fucked over by both bisexual and lesbian women and neither one hurt more than the other! I think that if a lesbian woman turns away from dating a bisexual woman just because of the bisexual woman's sexuality, then that's her decision, but I believe she'd be missing out on a chance to be happy as well. I can say that the bisexual women I've been with? For the time that we were together, we were happy. If I were single and a bisexual woman wanted to date me, would I turn her down based on her sexuality? No. If I were single and a lesbian woman wanted to date me, would I turn her down because of her sexuality? No. Because I love the person, not their preference of gender. Hell, I'm sure all of us have even fallen for a straight girl at some point or another, or had a little crush. Yeah, that shit happens too.
If a bisexual girl isn't "into girls" enough for you, I think there's something wrong, there. I think that if a bisexual girl is willing to "go there" for you, then you should be willing to do the same for her. Don't be scared just because she's also attracted to guys.
Some girls seem to think that they can't "compete" with a cock. Excuse me? When was it ever a "competition"? When two women have sex, sometimes they use a strap-on, and yeah, that's nice. But really? A lot of women can't seem to orgasm from the act of penetration alone, which is what both strap-ons and cocks do. They penetrate. They don't really offer clitoral stimulation, which is what most women need to reach orgasm anyway.
Oh, but a man can give a woman babies. Ugh. A woman can also give a woman babies. Maybe not in the "traditional" way, but she and her partner can get sperm from a sperm bank, and she and her partner can insert the sperm during lovemaking. After that, it all depends on sperm motility and the fertility of the woman who is choosing to carry the baby. Yeah, it happens pretty much the same freaking way.
There are girls who will say, "Oh, I've been hurt too much by bisexual girls." Oh, like a lesbian has never hurt you? Like you've never fallen for a straight girl and she didn't hurt you? Do some people honestly think that whatever person they decide to be with (man, woman, whatever) will never hurt them? Newsflash: when you fall in love, there's always a risk of getting hurt. I don't care who you are with. But that is all part of the game. You can risk it and you can go for it, or you can be a coward and be alone.
I've been hurt by women (bisexual and lesbian alike), and I've been hurt by men as well. It certainly didn't stop me from trying. It certainly didn't "turn me off" from women or men. But I guess that's just me, and I sure as hell can't speak for anyone else.
I know that I have hurt partners of mine in the past as well, and I am deeply sorry for the hurt that I caused. However, it surely wasn't because of my fucking sexuality. There were other issues, and some of my exes (who are still my friends) can certainly attest to that.
If someone doesn't like me because of who I am... if someone doesn't like me because I married the person who accepts me as I am and always has (who loves me unconditionally, who makes me laugh when I don't think I can, who cuddles me when I need to be comforted)... if someone doesn't like me just because the person I am referring to is a male, then all I have to say is FUCK OFF. You don't have to fucking like me, and if you can't respect me, fuck you.
Before you go judging me for the person I am, you take a look in the fucking mirror.